Secret Agent Puppy
Howdy friends. Well here we go. That spooky 2020 is gone and it is time for an even spookier 2021. But good things await those of you who jump right in with hope, energy and a vague plan. Take our Secret Agent Puppy, the subject of this tale. Yes, our little hero is locked down like everyone in Ukraine, but that does not mean he can rest and leave his beloved country unprotected. This story happened in freer days, but the skullduggery remains the same, regardless of the year. At this hour of 2021, our puppy has become a resident of Odessa while the Choonies remain as master bakers at Snoop McDonuts in Kiev. But their legend marches on.
Secret Agent Puppy
Puppy McDonut is
well known from the books of his thrilling adventures and his many appearances
on the Oprah Show. But there is a side of Puppy that has remained secret for
good reason, as you will soon learn. His is a complicated tale, as are so many
episodes in the constant battle between good and evil. Snoop McDonuts is a
popular meeting spot for people from around the world. Its international
reputation has exploded with their Nobel Prize doughnut award. Accordingly,
Snoop McDonuts has become a hotbed of international intrigue. Oligarchs are
aware of their tattered reputations, yet constantly yearn for the respect that
they will never earn. In a previous adventure, they had kidnapped the heiress
to the kitten throne in an attempt to bribe the authorities and gain control of
Snoop McDonuts, the world’s most delicious one. In the aftermath, Annie and
Misha had created the first Nobel Prize winning doughnut so that children
everywhere would always love this special treat. The Oligarchs were furious and
have never forgiven the McDonuts. They have constantly schemed to destroy this
temple of snacks. The secret service is increasingly aware of these events and
must have an agent within. Who better than our international ambassadors, Puppy
McDonut and the Choonie-Moonies? The agency knows Puppy’s reputation as “such a
good dog.” Puppy is welcome everywhere.
The Agency has
sent their top recruiter to watch the McDonuts and find a way to approach them.
One day, Puppy is playing in the park with the Choonie-Moonies. Coyote has run
away to Mexico seeking fried chicken, but when she has spent her allowance she
will return. Puppy has been running furiously and chasing his ball. While it is
true that most dogs will fetch, this Puppy has refined his skill until he is an
expert in all the techniques. The sun is so warm and the grass is so soft, that
one by one the Choonies have fallen asleep and their gentle snores sniggle
across the grass. At the park bench, Puppy stares forlornly at his ball. He is
a lively one and ready to play all day. A shadowy figure approaches. “Don’t
worry Puppy. I am one of the good guys. Let me throw your ball and afterward I
will tell a tale that I am sure will interest you.” Yippeeeee! Puppy is off in
mad pursuit. It is here when the wild beast in him is truly released. The other
dogs pause breathlessly to study his skills. Oh what joy! Again and again Puppy
catches the rascally ball and happily returns for another go. Such a good dog!
After many fine chases, he is ready to sit beside the bench and listen to the
stranger.
“Puppy. This is
unpleasant to relate, but the world is alive with villains. They only know
greed and are unable to see beyond their petty schemes. Most are mere thievery,
but occasionally these scoundrels plot some deed that might be truly harmful to
everyone. This is where our agency must intervene. You may ask, why would the
secret service be interested in doughnuts? It is a serious crime in any country
to impersonate a Nobel Prize doughnut. Furthermore, the Snoop franchise is a
source of national pride and this delicious treat has spread over the entire
planet. Small wonder we protect its’ reputation. But, Snoop McDonuts has become
a hotbed for international scoundrels plotting misdeeds. Now you are familiar
to everyone who patronizes Snoop McDonuts. Who better to be our eyes and ears
than the incomparable Puppy McDonut. I know this might sound dangerous, but we
will train you to recognize all the tricks.” Like the Choonies, Puppy is a deep
patriot. He listens intently with growing concern. “Goodness. How terrible. Of
course I will help.” “Thank you Puppy. I knew you were the right man for the
job. We will talk later. You will be trained to deal with the many ways that
scoundrels plot their misdeeds. Please include the Choonie-Moonies in this
mission. I know that they are wise to the ways of the world. We will meet again
soon.” And that is how Puppy and the Choonies came to be enrolled in Spy
School.
The rookie spies
are well trained by the experts. The Agency also builds a perfect spy den for
the secret band. There is a little door that can only be opened by Puppy or a
Choonie-Moonie. The door is under booth #4 of Snoop McDonuts. A tiny elevator
takes them to the Spy Den. Inside the Spy Den is a powerful radio to contact HQ
and of course, comfy beds and tasty snacks so our furry spies will always be
rested and ready. Secret passages will allow them to scatter into all parts of
the city. Our little McDonuts are now major players in a shadowy game and
trained to serve their beloved Ukraine. Now our super agents are always alert
for any unusual chatter. They have heard rumor of a devious plot hatched by the
Oligarchs. But so far, no details have emerged in support. There is always a
busy murmur at Snoop McDonuts. However, the Choonie-Moonies have spent
centuries separating the ordinary voices of the forest from the truly alarming
ones. One day, much later, the Choonies are serving delicious meals to
customers on the patio. Finally they hear the beginnings of a sinister plot.
“What? Doughnut tampering. This effects not only our café, but the security and
reputation of the entire nation. Quickly. Get SuperAgent Puppy. I have a plan
brothers. Even villains cannot resist a doggy with a ball. Let Puppy come to
the table and stare misty-eyed at these thugs. They will surely play with him.
He can follow and disclose their hideout. He is in our secret Spy Den
monitoring communications. Fetch him at once. We will watch these scoundrels.”
“Hey, what are you staring at you little fur balls? Begone! This is private
business. Never trust Choonie-Moonies fellows. They are nosy little
do-gooders.” No harm done because the seeds have already been sown. Strumbuttle
has fetched Puppy and his bright new spy ball. Puppy approaches and begins his
act. “Look lads. The doggy wants to play. Drop Puppy. Drop.” And off he goes
joyfully chasing his wonderful ball down the street to the delight of the
patrons of every outdoor café in the city center. “Look. It’s Puppy McDonut.
What a good dog!” The villains begin to leave, but they are walking, so their
hideout must be nearby. Puppy continues to return with his ball and the thugs
are enjoying their Puppy play so much that they continue to throw it as they
walk. Eventually they reach their destination. “Goodness little fellow. That
was fun. I haven’t played with a puppy since I was a little boy. Sorry little
friend. We have arrived at our work. Back to your café now. That’s a good dog.”
What a clever Puppy. He has discovered their warehouse. He barks twice, wags
his bushy tail, picks up his ball and trots back to McDonuts.
Meanwhile, Frumpbart
had entered the secret passage under booth #4 to inform the authorities. Frumbart
takes the elevator down to the Spy Den and contacts Security. “HQ, this is
agent McD 001. Yes. Another doughnut plot. No sir. These are different
villains. Puppy will discover their hideout and perhaps their intentions. Yes
sir. Agent Stealth Puppy. Code name: Wild Beast. Alias Super Puppy. He will
discover their location and perhaps their evil scheme. Yes. We will let you
know immediately. Over and out. Hmmm. Perhaps a little snack. This spying is
hungry work.“ Despite their training, the Choonies have been flailing wildly
around the café as they wait and worry for Puppy’s safety. Never fear Choonies!
This one is a professional. He is back and eager to tell his story. “Choonies.
Choonies. I have discovered their lair. It is a big warehouse near here. They
must expect a large amount of loot from this caper. We played ball until they
arrived at the hideout. They may be villains, but they are wonderful at tossing
the ball. We had such fun. I was not inside, so I know nothing of their evil
plans. What has HQ told you Choonies?” “I am afraid that we are on our own for
now. Their other agents are too well
known. Haruuumph. How can we infiltrate their den?” “Oh, that is very simple
Frumpbart. We had so much fun chasing my pretty new ball. I will wait outside the
warehouse tomorrow morning with my ball. When they see me, I know they will
play again. I will listen to their plan and know their intent. Villains will
trust a cute little dog not to squeal. It is so simple Choonies.” “How right
you are Puppy! Simple is better. Of course it will work. Such a clever Puppy!”
It is a pleasant
Tuesday morning and Puppy lurks outside the Kiev warehouse with a prized ball.
Eventually a villain comes outside for some air. “It’s the cute little Puppy
again and he has his ball. Come inside shaggy one and we will toss it for you.
Our warehouse is empty until our big shipment arrives.” He is in! Such a clever
Puppy. They take turns throwing the ball for our daring agent. Even blackguards
cannot resist a Puppy and a ball. This is no ordinary ball. This is the
Superball 5000, built for Puppy from his own design. It is also a recording and
transmission device with a range of 3 Km. Such a clever little dog! The Stealth
Ball hears every word. Oh no! A shipment arrives tomorrow in Odessa at the
harbor. We must find the location. The future of the doughnut depends upon it.
Eventually the villains prepare to leave. “Come along little one. We have other
places to go. Such a good dog.” Of course our clever McDonut has a plan. The
villains all scratch Puppy’s ears and say, “Later Puppy. This was fun. Come
back anytime.” As the truck pulls away,
Puppy flings his Stealth Ball into the back. “This will track these heathens.
Don’t worry pretty ball. We will be reunited soon.”
Puppy rushes back
to warn the Choonies of the devious plot. They huddle in consultation.
“Brothers. I have uncovered a grievous misdeed. We must help. The future of the
McDonut family is at stake. It appears that Oligarchs have baked a ship load of
inferior treats that they have branded as Snoop McDonuts. They will arrive
tomorrow at the harbor in Odessa. The Oligarchs wish to sell inferior doughnuts
at premium prices. There is a fortune to be made. This will harm the reputation
of the Snoop café. It will be a triumph for the villains. These doughnuts have
inferior ingredients. They do not understand our baking process. And they will
be frozen for shipping. Unforgivable! I was appalled. Their agents will
distribute them across the land. They must not leave Odessa, or it may destroy
our culinary icon.” “Gaaack! Gaaack! Gaaack! What, what, what! Counterfeit
McDonuts. A ship load! Odessa! Tomorrow!” “Shhhh, brothers. We are supposed to
be “secret agents.” Cover for me. I must go to the Spy Den and inform
headquarters. The other three Choonies attempt to distract customers at booth
four as Frumpbart enters the elevator. “Where on earth is he going?” “Uh,
urrrr. Don’t worry. That’s where we keep the hooch.” “The hooch? Ha, ha, ha,
ha. You Choonies are so funny. We love this café.” Frumpbart rings HQ. “HQ.
Agent Frumpbart. Over.” “Copy agent. What news?” “We have uncovered the
nefarious plan; Puppy again, of course.” He quickly explains the circumstances.
“Hmmmm. We must ask a lot of you. We dare not expose our other agents in this
port. We must rely on you Choonies and the Puppy to find their hideout in
Odessa. Can you do that?” “Har. We are Choonie-Moonies. We are the ancient
ones. Puppy is the bravest little dog in the land. Of course we can.” “Thank
you agent. Make your way to Odessa. Our spy will contact you there. We have one
agent in Odessa who is very good at tracking reprobates. He will begin scouting
the docks. His name is Samuel Sebastian Huffington the Third, but we call him
Sammy Squirrel. He is royalty and down on his luck, but a very resourceful
agent.” “Gaaaack! You are joking! Sammy Squirrel. We are not enemies, but
certainly not friends.” “Choonie. He is just a harmless squirrel. “Obviously,
you have never tried napping in the warm sunshine with those silly ones
chattering incessantly and tossing twigs at you. Scoundrels!” “Well you will
not be napping in the sunshine. You will be on a mission.” “Harumph. Choonies
and squirrels? What next?” “Sammy is a professional. Good luck soldiers. Over.”
“Copy that. Frumpbart over and out. Frumpbart returns and relays the news.
“Well lads. We are for it. We will travel to Odessa and contact an agent, but
otherwise we are on our own. Bravely now chums. But we must do an unfortunate
thing. It is such short notice and our café is so busy. Poor Annie will be run
over. I know no other way than to just ask. Wish me luck.”
“Annie, Annie,
Annie. We are so sorry. We must leave for Odessa immediately. It is a matter of
national security!” Annie has noticed the unease amongst her family. “National
security my little rascals? Hmmmm. You have all been co-conspirators lately.
But if you have taken on a mission it must be important. Say no more. I will
not pry. We trust you completely. Now who will be in your merry band? Goodness.
All of you. It must be very dire. All I ask is that you please take good care
of Puppy. He is just a little dog. Our friends and regular customers will help.
Do your duty ancient ones.” “Yippee! Hooray for Annie! We will work extra hard
when we return.”
“Let us don our
leathers and begin our journey. There is no time to lose. Bring the Spy Packs.
We will need them. Here is your leather jacket and your headband Puppy, the one
you like with the skulls. Coyote wishes to be on the hunt. “No Coyote. You must
be our eyes and ears at the Spy Den. You are a trickster, but far too unusual
on the city streets.” “Hah. Everyone notices my beautiful coat. It is fitting
for a future queen.” “Of course Coyote. That is the reason.” The Choonies do
not chuckle because they love their impulsive little sister. “When Puppy
locates the hideout in Odessa, we will contact you. You must Arooooooooh three
times to signal that the game is afoot.” She is trained to paw the big red
button that keys the radio to headquarters from the Spy Den. Clever Coyote. “Onward
lads. We are cleared with Annie. We will travel on our motorcycles with Puppy
in my sidecar. When you are old enough for your license Puppy, you shall have
your own motorcycle. Settle in now. The integrity of Snoop McDonuts depends on
us. Onward it is!” These Choonie-Moonies know no fear. Puppy is very excited.
But it is not for the adventure ahead, The Choonies have promised they will
stop for yummy hot dogs at a roadside gas station. “Shhhhh. Don’t tell Coyote
or she will never agree to stay.” The road to Odessa is famous for the most
delicious hot dogs in the land. Vrooom, vroom, vroom. They rocket through the
streets of Kiev and tear up the highway. “There it is Puppy,” Frumpbart shouts.
“A palace of hot dogs. Hooray for Mr. Grill!” They are quickly refueled and
back on the road, savoring each delicious burp as they blast along. In no time,
they are in the jewel of the Black Sea. They pull off in a circle and Frumbart
relays their instructions. “We are to find Shevchenko Park and the agent will
contact us. Set the GPS lads.” Vroom, vroom, vroom. They are the talk of the
town. “Mommy, Mommy. I saw Choonie-Moonies.” “Shhh. Such nonsense!”
“Here we are. Be
alert agents. The Agency has insisted, no sleeping in the sun. Grumble,
grumble, grumble.” They settle in and eye the surroundings. And there,
sauntering towards them is Sammy Squirrel. What a sight! Such an elegant little
squirrel. He is wearing a little tuxedo and looking so dashing in his evening
wear. “Hello agents. I am Samuel Sebastian Huffington the Third. Forgive my
formal attire, I have an engagement tonight that I must attend. Don’t be
alarmed. Next time you see me I will look like any scruffy street squirrel. You
are the Choonie-Moonies of course. My goodness. Puppy McDonut. A pleasure. I
love your books. My spies at the harbor indicate an important cargo will arrive
at noon tomorrow. It will be moved to a warehouse just off the docks. We will
need some fancy sleuthing to discover the location. Let us meet here tomorrow
at 9 AM and make our plan. In the meantime, enjoy the hospitality of our
beautiful city. A demain mes amis.”
Frumpbart has an address for a safe house near
the harbor. “Come lads. We must be rested. Tomorrow could be dangerous.” Snark,
snark, snork, sniggle. Five voices singing in snoring harmony. A true symphony
of sleep. They awake ready for action. “To the park brothers.” Vroom, vroom,
vroom, vroom. The sun is so warm and the park so peaceful. “Where is that
Sammy? Look at that scruffy gang of rodents. Bah. Squirrels. Can’t trust them.”
“What. Choonies. You do not recognize your colleague? I am Sammy.” One of the
ragged bunch is beside them. “Gaack. Sammy? Impossible. You are a derelict, not
a prince.” “Well lads. I am very good at what I do. Let us make our plan. The
warehouse must be close, but there are so many of them. We have detected
muffled bleeps from Puppy’s Stealth Ball, but nothing definite. If we only knew
what one of them looked like?” “Oh, but I do. I have played ball with every one
of them.” “Then that won’t work. They will know you Puppy.” “Ah, but I am also
a master of disguise.” Puppy rolls in leaves and dirt. He puts on his black eye
patch as he has been taught in spy school. Now he looks like any scurvy sea dog
on shore leave. “Brilliant Puppy. Scout the docks. We will stand watch and
follow you to the hideout when you spot a villain. Let us be off quickly. This
is a terrible plot.”
Up and down.
Back and forth. Ever vigilant. Sea dog Puppy patrols the docks. “Wait. These
are the miscreants. I must trail them to the warehouse. Easy Puppy. You can’t
get spotted.” Sammy and the Choonies follow behind. At the hideout, the
conspirators pause and look carefully around for trouble. “Hey fellows. That
Puppy looks familiar. See his bushy tail? He has been trailing us. It is our
ball playing friend. Get him lads!” Puppy is off with little legs churning and
toenails clicking on the paving stones like a runaway Spanish dancer. “Puff,
puff, puff, puff. Look at Puppy go. But oh oh. They are on the docks close to
the water and he is trapped by the sea. “We have him cornered. Close in.” But
he is Super Puppy. Secret Agent. He dashes to the edge and launches himself
from the dock into the deep harbor. “Good riddance to that little sneak. He is
just a little dog and he will not escape from there. Let the little scoundrel
drown. Back to the hideout lads. There are many Euros to be had. We must
prepare for doughnut Armageddon.”
How could these
ruffians know? He is Puppy McDonut, our little dog with a big heart. He paddles
like a wild beast, churning like an otter. Go Puppy go! Few would believe it.
He is at the beach, hurtling up the sand. Look to the left. Look to the right.
“There it is. The Police Station. Mommy and I were at this beach when I was
just a little pup.” He bursts into the room to the astonishment of everyone.
“Officer, officer. Bark, bark, bark.” “What is this? What is a sea dog doing in
my precinct? Shoo! Shoo!” “No, wait Sargeant. This is Puppy McDonut. My children
love his stories.” “Arf, arf. Yes. Let’s go.” He rips out the door and back
towards the harbor. “Follow that Puppy! This must be important. Puppy McDonut
is a good dog!”
Meanwhile, Sammy and the Choonies have been casing the joint, unaware of Puppy’s dilemma. “The scoundrels are here. But where is Puppy? Watch them carefully. They are a slippery bunch. We must be sure that these reprobates don’t move. Puppy is full of determination. The harbor will not be a problem for this brave one. We will keep them here until the Puppy returns. There has been a steady stream of trucks bringing counterfeit doughnuts. We cannot let a single one of these be foisted on the public.” Sammy has climbed a tree and is looking through an open window. The Choonies are spread at each corner of the building, ever alert. But something is wrong. Sammy spots suspicious movement inside. “Oh no. The first trucks will soon be moving. What to do? Wait. I have it.” He scurries to the ledge above the door. With a mighty chomp, he bites through a cable to the alarm. “Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Clang, clang, clang, clang,” says the alarm. Over and over and over again. The villains rush to the door. “What rotten luck. Why is it doing this? Quickly. Shut it down.” Just then the frantic Choonies converge from every corner. Bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk. Each one of them bounces off of the ruffians. They spring to their feet and in the confusion they break out in the Choonie-Moonie silly dance. “I want to smack these little fur balls, but this is so funny. Har, har, har, har. Look at these silly monkeys. Ha, ha, ha, ha. They crack me up.” In the meantime, Sammy has been wrapping the alarm cable around the howling bodyguards. And what is this? Sirens as well. It is Puppy with the cavalry. The villains try to flee the mayhem, but Sammy has them hogtied. “Bark, bark, bark, bark. These are the ones, officers. Arrest these bounders. Now where is my ball?” And sure enough, still resting in the back of the loot truck is Puppy’s Stealth Ball 5000. What a joyful reunion! A smashing success! “Let’s play Choonies.” You can be sure we will be hearing from our valiant spies again. The End.
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