Choonie-Moonies and the Snoop Donut Affair
More nonsense. Choonie-Moonies and the Snoop Donut Affair
I have sketched the
plot outline for that future hit movie "Choonie - Moonies and the Snoop
Donut Affair.” This is the initial story in the saga of the McDonut world as
told by Misha McDonut, the patriarch of the first family of food.
Ukraine is a
hidden jewel of the East waiting to be discovered. This is a country rich in
historical and natural treasures. Indeed it has fallen on hard times but was
once called the “Breadbasket of Europe” for its fields of seemingly thick and
endless grains. In point of fact, it is this grain that forms the base for the
Snoop McDonut at the most famous “Temple of Snacks” in Kiev, Ukraine, that
bears the same name as this exquisite little sweet cake. As its international
reputation has grown, it has become not only a haven for world travelers
seeking a delicious meal, but a hotbed of plots and intrigue for a more
nefarious set of scoundrels and reprobates. For the authorities that need clues
to the nature of these shenanigans, Snoop McDonuts is a fine place to begin.
There is always an uneasy truce between good and bad in this special eatery.
Princess Milena
has been kidnapped along with her favorite work boot (see photo). She is no
ordinary kitten. She is destined to be Queen of the Kittens. Oligarchs have
sent their bodyguards to take this special kitten. They plot to put the
pretender, evil Prince Vlad on the throne. He will convince children everywhere
that donuts are bad. Oligarchs will then control all the donuts and soon the
Police will be under their thumbs. These ruffians have been very upset at their
failure to gain control of this special Snoop McDonut café. It is a favorite of
the famous and powerful, but more important are the smiles of the happy, happy
children when they bite into their delicious McDonut. Oligarchs are certainly
rich and powerful but the world knows that they are total scoundrels and denies
them the prestige that they so crave. Annie and Misha will never sell! Hence
these dastardly plots for total domination. Milena's mother, Queen Annushka has come to
Snoop McDonuts to ask the Choonie - Moonies to help free Princess Milena and
foil this terrible plot. When the Choonie-Moonies first began working at Snoop
McDonuts, they were a major sensation. After all, they were the first of the
ancient forest creatures proven to exist. Are they the last of their kind? We
don’t know and the Choonies certainly aren’t saying. Choonie-Moonies are
legendary creatures of the woods and hills and guardians of the land. Because
of this timeless connection, they can sense disturbances in the rhythm of the
countryside. There has been no word of the Kitten Princess despite the frantic
search. Perhaps the Choonies can form their mystical circle and ask their
question to all living things? “Where is Princess Milena? Her mother is so
worried.” Once again Oligarchs plot against the natural order of things. If
there is ever to be harmony between the humans with their infernal cities and
the timeless country, then this evil must always be opposed. Of that, all
creatures are certain and they promise to begin the watch for the thugs who
have snatched Princess Milena.
Very little can
escape the notice of the wild creatures if they have been alerted to the
presence of villains. Soon the Choonies receive a special telepathic message
from the wolves of Chernobyl. “Deep in the forest at the northern edge of our
territory is an abandoned farm that has been free of the stink of humans for
many years. These scoundrels presume to hide from us. What amateurs! It is so
easy to detect their blundering and the pitiful sound of a kitten in distress.
Such pathetic bullies. They had the nerve to shoot at us as we observed this
charade. Hah! Might as well try to stop the rain by shouting at the sky. We are
the wolves of Chernobyl and we will help in any way we can to thwart these
miscreants and rescue this innocent kitten. Come to the clearing by the brook on
the side road through the weeping forest. Puppy and Coyote know where this is.
Together we will repel and embarrass these upstarts. Scoundrels!”
To
further the cause, Annie and Misha McDonut will create the most delicious doughnut
in the history of the World, so children everywhere will continue to love this
special treat. But first they volunteer to provide transportation. They own a
custom Stealth Lada gifted to them by President Putin in appreciation of his
very favorite treat. Time is wasting, so it is quickly into the Lada, without
even a pause to make snacks. The security of the kitten throne is important to
the entire nation. What a sight, this
jeep full of exotic puppies and Choonie-Moonies. The Lada purrs like a happy
kitten as the little dogs guide them towards their rendezvous. Chernobyl is
largely deserted now following the tragedy and many roads are overgrown, but
with the power of this special jeep and the razor instincts of Puppy and Coyote
they soon find the restless wolf pack by their peaceful brook. Puppy and Coyote
are in touch with their inner wild beast, so it is child’s play for these two
adventurers. “Hello old friends. It is
good to see you. Let us be off quickly. What a lesson we will teach those reprobates.
But what’s this? Choonie-Moonies? You are even bigger scoundrels than the
Oligarchs, hehehe.” “Bah. Wolves. What a disaster this will be.” “Now you wild
bunch. Surely you can work together to protect the kitten throne?” “Fine Annie.
Let’s be off. We will settle our differences later.” But they are not natural
enemies and the teasing is good natured.
The wolves know every blade of grass in their territory and
before long they are in the cover of the deep woods looking out at the old
farmhouse. “We must have a plan to flush these villains out of hiding. Then we
will pick them off one at a time. They will forget about the Princess and we
will spirit her away to rejoin her mother. We need someone to scout the layout.
None of us can get close enough without bloodshed.” “Nonsense,” says Coyote. “I
will simply saunter up and call these bezonians out. They will bow before their
superior like the craven dogs that they are.” “Ha, ha, ha, ha. What an
entertainer you are, Coyote. Come now. Let’s be serious.” “I will do it,” pipes
up a chubby creature from the underbrush. Let no one say that Woodchuck did not
do his part.” “You are nothing but a rotund little rodent. What do you know
that a mighty Coyote has not mastered?” “And what are you, you great shaggy buffoon,”
mutters Woodchuck. “How dare you,” sputters Coyote. “I shall come over there
and eat you.” “You are welcome to try braggart. I will box your pointy ears for
you.” “Now, now, now,” admonish the Choonies. “Pipe down Coyote. Let this brave
one do his duty.” “Haruuuumph, we are in for it now,” complains Coyote. “Never
fear. Woodchuck is the man for this job.”
Woodchuck calmly
waddles off in the direction of the overgrown farmyard. He is a bold one, this
scamp. “Hmm. There are snacks on this picnic table. Might as well have a
nibble. This reconnoitering is hungry work.” He hoists himself up and begins
munching on yummy cheese. “Hey you.” One of the villains has spotted him. “Look
at this chubby rodent. Come here fellows. He is kind of cute. It is okay little
fellow. We have plenty of cheese. Har, har, har.” He reaches over to scratch
Woodchuck’s head, but oh oh, this is still a wild animal. Chomp, chomp on a
finger and the scoundrel is yelling, “Oweeee guys. This little monster bit me!”
The bodyguards are distracted. With their natural cunning, the wolves seize the
moment. They attack in a frenzy of howling and growling. “Wolves. Run for your
lives lads. They mean business.” They lock themselves in their jeep and flee in
panic. Bullies are really cowards and they have been completely surprised.
“Quickly my brothers. Find Princess Milena
and we will be off from here. And there she is in a back room looking sad and
lonely. Poor baby! “Choonie-Moonies! I am saved! Meow, meow, meow, meow! Thank
you ancient heroes.” “We are here to return you to your Mommy. Come with us
sweetheart.” “Well done wolves,” the Choonies grudgingly admit. “But we still
don’t trust you.” “And you Choonies are such sneaks. I am sure you helped
President Trump write the Art of the Deal…..hehehe! But never mind……a truce for
now. This brave Woodchuck is the real hero. Let us howl to our success.
“Arooooooooooogh! Aroooooooooogh! Aroooooooooogh! Aroooooooooogh! Farewell
Choonies. Farewell Puppy and Coyote. Such good dogs you are.” Farewell wolves.
Well done Woodchuck!” And they are all into the jeep and silently off towards
the city.
So after their daring
adventures, Princess Milena is freed by the Choonie – Moonies. The oligarchs
are defeated. Police everywhere are free to do their jobs. And Snoop Annie and
Misha McDonut will win the Nobel Prize for doughnuts. Lastly, Annie and Misha
will be granted their very special Pink Kitten and Yellow Kitten for service to
felines of every kind. And there in black and white, spread across the front
page of Pravda is the proof. “Princess Milena Freed! Oligarchs Thwarted!
Justice Prevails! Take That You Blackguards!” The End.
And thus continues the age old struggle of good against evil.
Please check out the iggyice .us site for a sampling of original indie music, including Rock Modo, another alias of that international villain, Misha McDonut.
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